As the parent of two adopted children I read this book with mixed thoughts. We are an older couple that wanted to adopt infants. We were told that we were asking the impossible, even as a mixed-race couple (Asian/European) in a state that historically has had a hard time placing mixed race children (specifically African/European or African/Hispanic). In fact these children are so hard to place locally they are considered to be "special needs children" along with the physically and mentally handicapped!
However, despite our ages and various ailments, 7 months almost to the day of first walking in through the door of the agency we were the proud protectors of a 15-day old baby girl. Two years, two months and two days later, our son came to us through the same agency.
Other friends and acquaintances were also looking to adopt during this same time, yet their experiences were much more like those recounted in this book. They tried again and again, through agencies, private arrangements, foster care, and so on, and many gave up. Children were placed with them and removed, they went to court time after time, they waited years, and spent thousands of dollars. What was the difference between us and them?
There was a degree of luck on our part, in getting a social worker who was intelligent, unbiased, hard-working, organized, etc. Yet that same woman turned down the application of our friends, saying they needed marriage counseling before they could think of adopting, despite 17 years of marriage.
The biggest difference that I can see is that before we ever walked in the agency door, we read books like this one. We knew what it would cost and saved up the money. We knew there would be questions about child-rearing, religion, race, and so on, and we talked it all out before we went. We knew the pros and cons of each type of adoption and deliberately chose a church-based private agency with a viewpoint we agreed with. We also were completely, totally, 100% honest and open, and still are, with the agency, the birth parents, the judges, our families, and our children, who have pictures and letters from the Moms and Dads that made them.
If you want to adopt you don't have to go to China or Rumania, unless you want to. You don't have to spend $25,000 to "buy" a baby, unless you want to. There are hundreds of babies here at home, and they need you as much as you need them. But you never get something without working for it. Do your homework first! Read this book!
